operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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