Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
