i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
pray to the hookup gods
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
