I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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