my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
