apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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