The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
