dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't put those talents on a resume
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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