Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
