Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
