if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
