you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
