there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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