Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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