zippers are such a cool invention
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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