Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i believe in u and ur pee
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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