How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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