I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
