I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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