My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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