i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
