Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Randomize