yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
