I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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