Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My dick has a subreddit
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
