Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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