Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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