I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
