I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
