don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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