WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
