the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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