I can tuck mytits in my pants
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
