I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
