I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
