You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
