I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
