youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
