Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
