Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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