all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So many bounce houses so little time
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
