we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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