is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
