Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
