i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
