Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
