Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
