she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
