there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
