This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
