it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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