Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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