I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
