She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
