Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
