Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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